ROMANCE AND SEX

Disability can unfortunately complicate romantic and sexual relationships. It may mean that partners treat you differently or awkwardly, or it may make sex more difficult for you. The most important thing is to remember that there are people you can talk to. For instance, if you’re having difficulty managing pain during sex, or you’re worried your medications are causing side effects that complicate your sex life, then that is just as important a conversation to have with your doctor as if you were experiencing pain or side effects at any other time.

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Your partner should be respecting of you - including your disability. If they treat you inappropriately because of your disability, then they are not a very good partner. You should never feel you have to stay with someone because they have helped you with your disability, cared for you, or because you are worried nobody else will come along - in fact, if someone guilts you like this then that is an example of abusive behaviour.

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Talking to a new partner about your disability can be difficult. You may be worried that they will like you less because of it, but you should remember that your disability is an important part of you, and if they are unable to deal with your disability then they are not a very good partner for you. Talking about your disability can be like talking about anything else about you. You may choose to talk about it when you first meet them, or share details over time as you get to know each other better.

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For some people, you may need or want to talk about your disability before sex. That might be because:

• you need your partner to understand you cannot do certain things, or can only do certain positions, etc;

• you need to tell them what to do when something goes wrong, for instance if you have a seizure disorder or are in pain;

• you might need to point out something that is usually hidden, like an ostomy bag or orthotic;

• you might be anxious about the experience and what might happen, and need emotional support;

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Being open in this way is difficult, particularly with a new partner, but these conversations can be important for ensuring your safety, and also making sure that sex is enjoyable for you too. You shouldn’t be putting up with pain or worry because you are worried it might spoil the experience for someone else - sex is for the enjoyment of everyone involved!